You should all follow me there because a) I am nice, and b) it feels pointless without followers to talk to.
Since I’ve been gone, I’ve seen a friend go in and out of recovery, I reached my ultimate goal weight, I cut myself again, I stopped most of my behaviours, and put on around 8kg (at least). My waist is almost 4 cm thicker and my thighs are starting to touch again.
I’m mortified with myself, and I just cannot live like this. I haven’t weighed myself in months.
I’m going back to where I started, because that’s the only thing I know how to do.
I hit 60.something and now I’m all the way back up to 63. I want to die.
I love that every time I log on here I have 5 or so less followers.
My binges are getting more and more frequent and I think going to uni so far away from everyone, and having no friends while I’m there, is making me incredibly depressed. Y’know, moreso than I usually am. I feel so lifeless all the time, and I actually don’t want to see my friends, I just want to sit at home and wallow in self pity.
ehhh I gained a kilo and I feel like shit. I just want to sleep for an eternity.
I think I can finally see the decay in my teeth.
I checked in my weight on the website I used to track my calories/weight etc and it congratulated me for losing over 15kg (33lbs), then asked if I wanted to submit my success story. I can’t believe I’ve lost that much weight. How could I possibly have ever weighed 15kg more than this?! Not only that, but I didn’t even start using it at my highest weight. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I remember when this tumblr had more followers than my personal, now I have twice as many on my personal.
So the reason why I’m here is to say I’ve finally reached a size 10/12 rather than 12/14. Also that I’m almost at my original goal weight, except I dropped it by 5 kg last night so I’m 7kg off right now.
Also I went shopping yesterday and spent $300 and I don’t even feel guilty; it’s wonderful.
I surpassed my original goal weight of 75, then of 70, then of 65, and I’m almost at 60. I actually didn’t think that after 4 years I’d be one of the ones saying “I thought I could stop when I reached my goal weight, I didn’t mean for it to get so bad”. But I guess I was wrong. I am one of those people, and I am horrified by the thought.
